Just when you think Wikipedia has covered everything on earth and Google no long makes you feel lucky, there is the wonderful site Uncyclopedia to fill the void. While searching for the latest and greatest news on the iconic American sports car, one will occasionally find a rare gem of humor such as the article titled “HowTo:Crash Your Dad’s New Corvette.”
This crowd-sourced masterpiece, four years in the making, should be a warning to anyone in the midst of a midlife crisis. After every bad break up people always try to make up for lost time and better their chances back in the dating pool, but buying a ‘Vette and a toupee is not going to make you “the man” again; even your mentally unstable son can see that. Based on your behavior and crappy birthday and Christmas gifts, your son might decide to creatively plan the death of your new love interest.
Carefully and painstaking planning the demise of Daddy’s ‘Vette via car crash requires a solid alibi, or taking what the article calls the Emo approach (crashing the car and waiting for your father to witness the physical manifestation of your angst-ridden Fallout Boy-obsessed cross dressing Emo ass). There are also helpful alternate plans including destroying the ‘Vette by crashing into Rosie O’Donnell – a strategy most of us can get behind. If crashing does not fit the bill, the article suggests torching the car, putting cats inside of it for extended periods, selling it to someone out of the country for $50 or leaving it in a bad neighborhood. If notoriety is a goal, the article suggests posting a video of beating the car with crowbar; instant YouTube superstardom along with a video memento of your act of revenge.